Mind your own business

          I woke up early this morning, wrestling with thoughts and attitudes toward a situation in my life. I must confess I am perplexed at how God is working on this and if I were to be completely honest, there are times when I want to ask Him to move over and let me deal with it. How arrogant – but that is the black and white of it.

          As is often the case, God allowed me to stew on my thoughts for a bit as I took my shower, saw Kimberly off to school, made my cup of cappuccino and came into my room for my quiet time.

          Bam! The first thing out of the shoot in the book I am using is the thought of total surrender to Christ. And I’m sure you, my dear reader, have already figured out what verse I was directed to…  Mark 8:34

“If anyone would come after me

he must deny himself

and take up his cross

and follow me"

          Squirm… sigh… All of those commands are hard and require devoted time and attention.

          Next I went to Psalm 139, that beautiful psalm that talks about how intricately I was made by God and that there is no where I could ever be without Him. But it begins by acknowledging God knows me – my thoughts, when I stand up, what I am about to say. It ends with a request to search my heart and know my thoughts.

          I sat back and sighed again. Because I was (am) still struggling and I’m not sure I want to deny myself and pick up my cross and follow or have my heart and thoughts searched.

          But how can I deny my thoughts? He already knows them. So as I had a chat with my Abba I guess you could say I got a little whiny about the person in this situation I’m wrestling with. And you could also say, as any loving parent would do with a whiny child, I got dealt with rather quickly.

          He reminded me of something that stood out to me in a couple of the books from the Chronicle of Narnia series I just recently read. When Lucy was upset and struggling to understand what was to happen with so-and-so, Aslan gently told her she didn’t need to know another person’s ending to their story.

          Immediately I thought of when Jesus was with His disciples after the resurrection and He was having a heart to heart with Peter. Jesus was trying to get to Peter’s heart by asking if Peter loved Him. I’m sure Peter was squirming by the third time Jesus asked the question, because when he saw John he quickly asked what was going to happen to him (John).

          This is when I wish I had a dvd of the actual exchange because I would love to see and hear how Jesus spoke the next sentence; “If I want him to remain alive until I return, what is that to you?”

          Was it said quietly in sorrow? Was there a tear in His eye at Peter’s seeming lack of understanding? Or perhaps Jesus reached out His hand and tapped Peter’s arm while His voice showed His exasperation at the lame attempt of diversion. But regardless of how it was said, the message was still the same – it is none of your business.

          That is the same message Abba has for me. “Val, what I am planning to do with someone else is none of your business.” And if I listen closely I hear the rest of the admonition… “Isn’t it enough to tend to yourself and obey what I ask of you?”

          Ouch. Ok… yes, it is a big enough task for me to take care of myself. While it doesn’t feel very good at the moment (what discipline does??) I know God’s love for me is shown in His parental rebuke to take care of myself and mind my own business.